With listening eyes, we
fix our gaze upon Jesus, the man from Galilee, who begins his public ministry
by performing two important tasks: he preaches "the Kingdom of God is at
hand" with the emphasis on the "now" and then he calls those who
will become his closest friends. He introduces a kingdom-centered theology in
opposition to the Temple-centered Jerusalem theology. As we immerse ourselves
in this passage, we focus upon Jesus as the one who calls more so than being
concerned with the responses of Simon and his brother Andrew or the Zebedee boys.
Ignatius wants us to come to know this
man from Nazareth. To do this, we are to suspend and challenge what we know
about Jesus. We may have to let some of our ideas be bracketed and put aside
until we can get a more accurate portrait of the man. We are given a portrait
that is woven from four distinct Gospel narratives into one conflated and disjointed
image. Many Christians today still think of Jesus when he lived on this earth
as more God than man. That heresy has been stamped out over 16 centuries ago.
It is a curious paradox to hold - fully human and fully divine. Our faith is
based on seeing Jesus as fully human when he walked this earth. This is why his
story is so credible. It is why his story makes sense to us and has great
meaning.
An important question to ask then is,
"How do we come to know Jesus?" We have to let the Christ of faith
reveal to us something about his pre-Resurrection life as Jesus. It is helpful
for us to look at the way we come to know a new friend. With a friend, we have
an initial encounter and we note something in the person we think we like. We
test it out by saying, "hey, let's get together sometime." Our
initial curiosity turns way to infatuation. We take this time to figure out how
the other person thinks, learns what motivates and inspires, what the person
values, how this new friend interacts with others. We check to see if the other
likes what I like. We waste time with this person and just hang out. We pay
attention to style. To quote the old saying, "The style is the man."
The "how" is always more important than the "who."
As we build the friendship, we come to
a point where we take a risk. If this person is to be my friend, I will have to
reveal something about myself that the other does not like. A critical point
occurs. The friendship can end - or it can be strengthened. We never know what
will happen until we share what we feel and think with the other person - particularly
those areas of our private life that we keep hidden from others, especially the
chaos. It is quite a risk because we want this person as a friend. If the
person is who we think, we hear the response, "I want your friendship -
all of you. You are important to me. I like you and I choose friendship with
you." We come to know a person by being with him. We have the same pattern
of coming to know Jesus.
We cannot plan or anticipate the ways our
friendship will grow because we bring a particular expression to it. We learn
the ways we respond to one another and come to respect each other's boundaries.
It is like a dance - awkward at first, but it grows in grace as we become
familiar with the steps. Jesus invites us successively into a greater
commitment to him as we allow him to commit his fidelity to us. We grow
together. We have our ups and downs. We learn how to navigate through the
language of our relationship.
Examine, if you will, what you have
come to know about the person Jesus on retreat. Perhaps you have come to
understand about him better through a small detail. This is why we contemplate
him and the scripture scenes. We see a small detail in the portrait that brings
greater depth of meaning to us. Something speaks to us that is uniquely
personal and maybe private. We find a point of contact to which we can return -
a point in which we know Christ's familiar voice and style. It becomes
unforgettable and it remains intimately personal. A retreatant once likened it
to the Beatles' song, Something: Something in the way he moves, Attracts me like no other. Something in the way he woos me. Something in the way he smiles, Tells me I need no other. Something in his style that shows me. Something in the way he knows, And all I have to do is think of him. Something
about Jesus is so attractive to us, just as he was to Andrew and Simon, James
and John, and all we have to do is think of him.
Funny thing: When we really
contemplate Jesus, when we set our gaze upon what he is doing, experiencing,
and feeling, all the stuff of our "here and now" comes up inside of
us. Christ is relating his story to our own story. Jesus becomes present to our
personal stories. Christ brings it up to us so we can look at them - through
his eyes of compassion. These are not distractions but the main source of our
prayer. He wants us to pay attention to those details of him. These are the
details that we can trust. When we daydream about a friend, her virtues shine
forth. When we contemplate the humanity of Jesus, his divinity is revealed. Knowledge
of the identity of Jesus comes about through our continued experience of him. Contemplation
helps us become the person we truly always have wanted to be.
A problem with the
Gospel call narratives is that we see them as otherworldly predetermined
choices by God through Jesus. We see them as single incidences that are once
and for all settled. This precludes us from looking at them as a model for the
way Christ personally calls us or that we see the evolving nature of one's
call. Christ is always calling us into deeper bond. It is never one and done.
The heart is the unmistakable place of
encounter. The heart is where the call is experienced. We fundamentally have to
honor and respect our feelings because those are the places where God typically
meets us. We have to get out of our heads and down into our hearts because
God's heart is beating to communicate with our hearts. Christ will honor your
feelings and then will ask you,
"What do you want?" and "What do you need?" When we talk at
his foundational level, we feel a tug to be closer to Jesus. In other words, he
is still calling you - calling you closer to him. His call is personal and
ever-present. His call is always about the immediacy of the kingdom of God now.
Not the future, not the past - just now.
As we become more familiar with him just
like the early disciples, we hold onto questions that we are reluctant to ask.
We withhold crucial information and painful stories from him that determine our
trust levels. We have become keenly aware of our inadequacies and failings. We
know something inside of us is messed up beyond belief and we cannot fix it. We
forget to look at those worthy parts of us that we and others like. It brings
us to important questions that we have to ask, "Am I growing in freedom,
humility, honesty, and freedom in my life with Christ?" "Am I person
who holds meaningful information close to my vest and keeps myself closed off
to intimacy?" "Am I a person who is becoming more open to him despite
the costs?"
Jonah reminds us that our response to
the call of Jesus may be fraught with challenging tasks that we would not
choose on our own. As friends of Jesus, we know his Cross looms on the horizon.
The Cross is inseparable from him, and we cannot avoid it. He asks, my friend, do
you still want to come with me? He awaits your answer.
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